my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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