You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
