Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we're making bets on your personal life
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
