she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
