I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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