So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
