I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Girls should come with a carfax report
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
