Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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