Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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