i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
