So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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