Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
