remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
