Fuck appropriateness.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
