I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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