Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Randomize
