I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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