In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
