I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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