all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
