I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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