Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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