somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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