do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He? As in you personified your dick?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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