Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FUCK WHALES
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
