Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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