if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
