Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
