Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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