i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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