just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
