great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
