Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
