This girl is more easily done than said...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize