ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
