Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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