Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found your dick twin last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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