So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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