I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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