Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
