Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
