YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
