SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
