as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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