I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
