Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize