i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
