i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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