yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
