I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
