Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
