We're facebook friends in real life
they need to just BURY HIM!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
