He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
