We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
