So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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