I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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