OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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