we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
