i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
