He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
