Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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