so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
