In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
