Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
