I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
