BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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