omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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