slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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