my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
