I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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