Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
