i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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