omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
