I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
