will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
